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Look to the hills
Posted by Scribbler, Apr 25, 2009. 230 views. ID = 2551
This post was written in 4 minutes.
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 | I did play with the rhythm a bit to suit the 'action' of the poem. |  | This post has been awarded 7 stars by 2 readers. |
Look to the hills and see their timeless grandeur,
seeming changeless yet they’re ever changing.
Once beneath the deepest sea then rising,
up and up to form new lands and shores.
Continents moved by forces unrelenting,
playthings in the sturdy hands of nature.
Glaciers scouring, shaping, forming valleys -
they were there once, but now are gone -
All in the blink of a mountain eye.
Active with volcanic vigour some still grow, as if for ever.
And yet their elders show the way as they crumble and erode.
The work of water, ice and heat wears down the ancient giants,
Immeasurable in mere human time, an infinite cycle never complete.
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Comments
Scribbler
Apr 29, 2009 | I'd be grateful for any comments on the rhythm (& blankness?) of this blank verse.
~Posted by Scribbler, Apr 29, 2009 | 
Douglas
Apr 30, 2009 | Hi Scribbler...
Here are a couple comments.
In the first four lines, you use feminine endings (a feminine ending is one that ends with an unaccented syllable) on the first three, and then complete the thought with a masculine ending, which gives a nice feeling of finality to the four lines.
I thought you were going to continue that - and in a way you did, because the 8th line also has a masculine ending. The only thing that felt wrong about it was that it wasn't the end of a thought.
If you wanted to delay the masculine ending to the end of the thought, you could change that to something like "now have vanished"
And yes, since you've "played" with the rhythm (particularly the last four lines) it isn't actually blank verse.
Oh, and I like the slant rhyme (don't know if it was intentional or not) within the 4th-to-last line: vigour/ever.
~Posted by Douglas, Apr 30, 2009 |
Douglas
Apr 30, 2009 | Oh, yes...there's also a glitch in the "blink" line. One possibility would be to change that to...
"All in the twinkling of a mountain eye"
That's assuming you intended it to be read with "all" unaccented and "in" accented.
~Posted by Douglas, Apr 30, 2009 |
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