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John Nojuan, the Pretzel Candidate: To vote for Nojaun, it's what we all want to do
Posted by R. Wesley Lovil, Nov 4, 2012. 1173 views. ID = 5989

John Nojuan, the Pretzel Candidate

Posted by R. Wesley Lovil, Nov 4, 2012. 1173 views. ID = 5989
This post was written in 15 minutes.
Nojuan says that pretzel sticks are a communist plot
This post has been awarded 14 stars by 3 readers.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm George Dirtbag and you're watching The Dirtbag Report. Tonight in our continuing effort to give all the candidates a forum to show you the American People whom to vote for, we have Mr. John Nojuan. Now Mr. Nojuan many have said yours is one of the oddest platforms of not only this election but maybe any election, please give us some of the details of your plans to save our country.
"Thank you for having me George, contrary to what my mudslinging lowlife of an opponent says about me I am the person you should vote for if you love your country. Oh I know he says he is worried about the economy, the crime problem, and dirty air but what does he have to say about our real problem. That's right you know what I'm talking about, pretzel sticks. Pretzels should be twisted into two loops of love not sticks and I say pretzel sticks are a communist plot to ruin this land we love. There is only one way to eat a pretzel and by god, it is not in stick form. When I am elected, I will do everything in my power to have these sticks of sin outlawed and thus allow our beloved country to flourish again.

I feel that I'm the only candidate who is brave enough to talk about the real issues, so ladies and gentlemen, if you plan to vote then you should vote for Nojuan. When you look at your ballot closely, it becomes obvious that Nojaun deserves your vote. So remember friends, vote for Nojuan this November to save your country and your pretzel."

Well I'm afraid we've run out of time, time thanks for joining me, George Dirtbag and this is The Dirtbag Report. Please join us tomorrow; we have as our guest Ms. Dorothy Hinkle who wants to outlaw Monday. Just remember if you want the real dirt, you'll get it on The Dirtbag Report, goodnight everybody.

Copyright 2012 R. Wesley Lovil. All rights reserved. has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.

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This post has been awarded 14 stars by 3 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: Vote for Me?


Nov 4, 2012
Ha took me a few seconds to realize how the candidate's last name should be pronounced. :D
   ~Posted by Douglas, Nov 4, 2012

R. Wesley Lovil
Nov 4, 2012
Just remember Nojuan is the honest candidate
   ~Posted by R. Wesley Lovil, Nov 4, 2012

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