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You were there
Posted by Mathax, Apr 2. 129 views. ID = 1022
This post was written in 0 minutes.
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 | Comments requested. |  | This post has been awarded 10 stars by 3 readers. |
The stars had not yet been made.
The moon and the earth had not been formed.
The sun had not been created yet.
You were there.
You made all of the stars,
All of the moons,
The sun and all of her planets.
You were there.
You where there
Down through history.
You made the earth.
You were there.
You took the initiative
When I was deep in sin.
You sent your son to die
On the cross of Rome.
You were still there.
But He did not stay dead.
He arose from the tomb on the third day.
You were still there.
You are going to be here
Until the end of time.
You are here.
The stars will hang low in the sky,
The moon will have set an age ago,
And the sun will turn red.
You will be there.
Copyright 2008 Mathax. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
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Comments
Douglas
Apr 2 | This is very nice Mathax. There are a few things about it that puzzle me. First, you're not very consistent with your tenses. For example, in the first stanza, you have "had been" and "is" which are different tenses.
I don't have time right now, but someone might be willing to help you work through those.
The other thing is, it's not clear to my why in one stanza you switched from "you" to "he".
Overall, a nice piece of writing. :)
~Posted by Douglas, Apr 2 |
Douglas
Apr 2 | On the You/He comment, I see now why you did that - it's a Father/Son distinction. However, having one stanza about "he" instead of "you" does seem a bit jarring. I don't know if there's a good way to change that.
~Posted by Douglas, Apr 2 | 
WOW
Apr 2 | Nice job!
~Posted by WOW, Apr 2 | 
Kenzie Fell Down
Apr 4 | Cool.
~Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Apr 4 |
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