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Urgent Response Required: Immediate Product Return Requested
Posted by Sylvan Sylph, Mar 9, 2008. 2058 views. ID = 814

Urgent Response Required

Posted by Sylvan Sylph, Mar 9, 2008. 2058 views. ID = 814
This post was written in 9 minutes.
Why does everyone think I'm joking?

(Credit for the Post Script goes to Lynnde with some negligible revisions on my part.)
This post has been awarded 40 stars by 10 readers.

To Whom it May Concern:

I would like to inquire regarding the return policy on a number of items I recently received from your organization. I am a regular recipient of your products and, over the course of time, have become increasingly dissatisfied with the quality of the items offered. The most recent set of products is particularly alarming. I have not even begun to actually make use of them, and they are already making disturbing noises and showing other signs indicating that any use will likely have serious repercussions on my well-being.

I have inquired of a number of people regarding your return policy; and, for a reason I have not yet discovered, they all seem to think I am making a jest. I find this to be extremely perturbing. To this point, the only information I have been able to acquire seems to indicate that I may dispose of most of the products, but that I am required to keep and use at least one of the products for a number of years before discarding it, with no refund and no guarantee of satisfactory results. I find this to be preposterous. In light of the potentially disastrous outcome of the use of any of this most recent line of products, I must insist on an immediate response to this inquiry regarding the return policy for presidential candidates.

A Concerned and Somewhat Distraught Citizen

P.S. I have recently been informed of some products I would be very interested in acquiring; however, I understand they are not due to be released to the public for several more years. I suggest that you promptly cease production of the current line of products and focus all efforts on the next model, with the goal of immediate availability.

Copyright 2008 Sylvan Sylph. All rights reserved. has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.

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This post has been awarded 40 stars by 10 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: To Whom It May Concern
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Mar 10, 2008
Very good. :) I didn't get it until the very end, which is my favorite kind of writing. I had to read it twice. :)
   ~Posted by Hannah, Mar 10, 2008

Kenzie Fell Down
Mar 10, 2008
   ~Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Mar 10, 2008

Mar 18, 2008
How many Candidates do you want to return?
   ~Posted by Mathax, Mar 18, 2008

Mar 29, 2008
And I will have to charge you ten dollars for every additional candidate. :P:P
   ~Posted by Mathax, Mar 29, 2008

Sylvan Sylph
Mar 29, 2008
I would pay ten bucks for a new candidate.
   ~Posted by Sylvan Sylph, Mar 29, 2008

Apr 4, 2008
That is one hundred dollars to return one and ten dollars mor efor ever additional canitdate.
   ~Posted by Mathax, Apr 4, 2008

Sylvan Sylph
Apr 4, 2008
Still worth it, though returns should be free. Actually I think some compensation should be made for having to put up with the foolishness.
   ~Posted by Sylvan Sylph, Apr 4, 2008

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