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For John
Posted by Sylvan Sylph, Sep 18, 2008. 1408 views. ID = 1769
This post was written in 1 minutes.
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 | Something I wrote on one of those peculiar days when it rains while the sun is out. It's not particularly well structured, but life was rather chaotic at the time and some of my writing reflects that.
What is important is that it reminded me, and reminds me, of the hope I have even in the face of death. |  | This post has been awarded 51 stars by 12 readers. |  | This post is Part 1 of a writing series titled Losing You, Missing You. |
So this rain,
Pouring down,
Falling to the ground,
Is my tears
For all the years
We'll never have together.
And the sun that shines
All the while
Is mine.
'Cause my smile
Is for forever,
The forever
That we'll be together.
Copyright 2008 Sylvan Sylph. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
Comments
Douglas
Sep 19, 2008 | This is very nice. I like it a lot, and I've added it to the featured gallery. The rhymes seem very natural and unforced.
I did wonder about one thing...I wondered why you chose to use the shortened form of "because" ('Cause) - it's an informal word use that, to me, didn't seem to fit the tone of the poem.
I checked a couple dictionaries, and both said that if you're going to use the shortened form, it should have an apostrophe before it. :)
~Posted by Douglas, Sep 19, 2008 |
Sylvan Sylph
Sep 19, 2008 | Thanks for pointing out the lack of apostrophe. I forgot about that when I was checking punctuation.
I would say that I used 'cause because this was written as if I were literally carrying on a conversation, and that's how it came out. The only thing I went back and added was the punctuation (hence the missed apostrophe). Essentially I was holding a conversation, and I have let the piece stand as it was written originally, as conversations do since you can't go back and change the spoken word. I'll have to think about if I want to change it.
~Posted by Sylvan Sylph, Sep 19, 2008 |
Douglas
Sep 19, 2008 | Well, reading it a second time, with the apostrophe in there, it feels very natural. I think it must have been just the lack of punctuation that made it stand out to me.
~Posted by Douglas, Sep 19, 2008 |
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