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The Strands of Fate
Posted by King Arthur, Apr 17, 2008. 687 views. ID = 1143
This post was written in 4 minutes.
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 | I hope this is clear: Akrull can be renewed within one body (described in the last section) or have his essence passed to a new host. |  | This post has been awarded 20 stars by 5 readers. |  | This post is Part 6 of a writing series titled The Barbarian Horde. |
This heathen rite had long been known,
From age to age since dawn of life;
The god of pain could be renewed
By sacrifice upon the knife.
The human body of Akrull
Though weakened by the battle stress,
Could be restored to strength and might
By lives surrendered in duress.
Yet still the god's frail human host
Is doomed to age as all mankind
So every generation sought
A new host for the god to bind.
A child is found in every age
To hold the soul of twisted god -
A child both strong and full of life,
To clothe their lord in youth's facade.
But woe to him who takes this role!
His life is stolen by pain's lord;
His heart is crushed beneath the god
Who sears his soul to guide the horde.
Divided thus, Akrull is both
A man and god in living death -
The human soul finds endless sleep;
Akrull drinks deep of human breath.
And so it was, two decades past,
His human host reached three-score ten;
Akrull demanded youth and strength
So priests of pain sent forth their men
To find a child of beauty fair
And strength of limb and innocence
To bind his soul and body there
'Midst chanting priests and crude incense.
Thus fate had drawn the strands of life
And shaped those cords in strangest schemes;
Not even wisest men could guess,
Nor find it in their wildest dreams.
For while inside the city gates
One twin is steeped in songs of woe,
Outside his brother, long subsumed,
By strangest fate did guide the foe.
Copyright 2008 King Arthur. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
Comments
Douglas
Apr 17, 2008 | Throughout this piece you use lower-case "god", implying that Akrull is part of a pantheon of gods, rather than monotheistic "God."
However, this line: To hold the twisted soul of god - uses the word as a proper noun rather than in a pantheon way.
I realize you can't put "the god" without destroying your rhythm, but maybe something like this would work:
To hold the soul of twisted god -
This provides a modifier to god so it is not treated as a proper noun.
~Posted by Douglas, Apr 17, 2008 |
King Arthur
Apr 17, 2008 | Thank you for the suggestion. I will think about that.
~Posted by King Arthur, Apr 17, 2008 |
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