Katie: Fifteen Minutes Of Fiction

Confession

I’m honestly not quite sure how to say this. I really don’t want to hurt you, but I feel like I’m not being fair to you. You’ve expressed an interest in me and I feel like you should know that I’ve given this a lot of thought, but I just don’t feel the same way about you.

I really feel terrible about this. You’ve always been there for me when I needed you, and we’ve spent so much time together over the years. You’ve been with me since I was two, all through my school years, and most recently, you helped me through the college classes I needed to earn my degree. You’d think that after all these years and all that you’ve done for me, my feelings for you would have changed. But no, I still feel nothing for you. Our relationship can’t even really be called a friendship. We’re more like… acquaintances. I know how much you’d like to be my friend, really I do. And yes, all of my other friends have encouraged me to get closer to you. They all love you. They think we would be great together. My father especially thinks we would do well together. He’s always liked you, but in my defense, he’s spent more time with you than I have. I realize all this, and yet, I just can’t change the way I feel about you.

Please don’t take this too hard. There are so many others out there who absolutely adore you. You’d be much better off with them. They love you like I never could. They aren’t satisfied unless they spend the majority of their day with you. Now that’s devotion. I could never spend that much time with you. Indeed, I try avidly to avoid you, though considering I work so closely with you, I very rarely succeed. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but I feel the truth must come out. Believe me when I say that it is with deepest regrets that I tell you that I can never love you, Mathematics.

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Bird Watching

“Hey Joe! Look at this!”

My head whipped around, trying to find the source of the voice I had just heard.

“Marty, I do believe that you’ve found a coil spring!”

At the sound of a second voice, I was further confused. The field that I was in appeared to be empty, save for the two turkey vultures I had been watching from fifty feet away.

“A coil spring, Joe? Where do you suppose that came from?”

I glanced around the field again. My mind kept telling me that it couldn’t possibly be what I was thinking. I decided to inch closer to the turkey vultures.

“Oh, I suppose that the gardener could have dropped it. Or it could have been carried here by some animal. You just never know, Marty.”

As I crept closer to the vultures, the voices seemed to get louder.

“So what should we do with the spring Joe?”

I was within five feet of the turkey vultures now. They appeared to be scavenging in the middle of a row of peppers. I was horrified to see a small spring sitting on the ground directly between the two birds.

“Well Marty, I think we should just leave it and see what happens.”

Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and burst out “It’s not possible! Turkey vultures don’t talk!”

In my careless outburst, I tripped over a rock and landed flat on my face right in front of the row of peppers. The turkey vultures, startled by the sudden and violent appearance of a stranger, flew away.

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I Don't Know Any Better

Growing up in the store was interesting, to say the least. It’s nice to have people making a fuss over you all the time. Usually. Certainly it’s good for the ego. Inevitably however, there comes the well meaning, but completely misguided person who just knows better.

My parents always believed in teaching me to use potentially hazardous objects properly so that I wouldn’t hurt myself if I got a hold of such an item when they weren’t around. It worked for me. I was using scissors before most of my peers even knew what they were. This, of course, went against every ounce of wisdom that all of our customers ever knew.

My poor mother.

“You shouldn’t let her have scissors you know.”

“But if we teach her what they are and how to use them, she’ll be much safer.”

“She’s much too young. She’ll poke her eye out.”

“Not if we teach her to use them correctly.”

“What if she gets a hold of them one day when you’re not around? She might run with them and fall and stab herself.”

“Not if we explain to her how to use them properly.”

This kind of conversation would usually end with Mom suddenly remembering something important to do and exiting gracefully, with me still holding the scissors. My mother is a wise woman.

As I got older, and more observant, I would “help” some of the employees. I’ll give them lots of credit. It’s hard to have a little kid following you around, asking to do what you’re doing all the time. Most of them were very good to me though, and taught me a lot about working in the store and getting along with people. Periodically however, I think I just became too much for them.

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The Unexpected Test

Bobby had always been envious of Tristan. Tristan was popular, handsome, charismatic, and the best athlete in the school. It seemed like he had everything going for him. Bobby on the other hand had very few friends, looked something similar to a geeky beanpole (if such a thing exists), and was shy and quiet. Bobby didn’t even play sports. He played Clarinet in the school marching band. Or at least, he did when someone else got sick.

One day, Bobby decided he had had enough. He was sick of hearing how wonderful Tristan was, and decided to play a nasty trick on him. For days, Bobby carefully planned out every little detail, neglecting all his other duties. “Thursday” he decided. “Thursday will be the day that I’ll show the entire school what an idiot Tristan is.”

When Thursday morning finally came, Bobby casually started up a conversation with Tristan in front of the lockers.

“Phew! I musta stayed up half the night studying for the exam today.”

“Exam?” asked Tristan. “What exam?”

Bobby had never seen that kind of fear in Tristan’s eyes before. He was enjoying every minute of this.

“You mean, you don’t remember? Miss Moody is giving us an exam in science class today. She said that since we’re in high school now and preparing for college, we should learn how to do mid-terms. This exam is going to be thirty percent of our grade.”

Bobby knew that on the day Miss Moody had been talking about the possibility of a mid-term exam, Tristan had been whispering with his buddies about the game that had taken place the night before. He also knew that Tristan had been absent the day Miss Moody had decided that a mid-term exam with that much weight would be a bad idea. Bobby just hoped that Tristan didn’t know this.

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Key Trouble

Last Friday, in a panic, I called my friend Fred from the office.

"Fred! You've gotta help me! My keys aren't working!!"

"Ok, ok. Calm down. What can I do to help?"

"Well, I'm working on this huge project for my boss, and this morning when I got here, I tried to use my keys to access my files, but they didn't work!"

Fred thought for a moment.

"Are you sure that it's the right set of keys?"

"Yes, I'm sure these are the right keys!" I moaned. "They've always worked before!"

Fred paused for a moment to think again.

"You usually hide your keys in your desk when you leave the office as an extra security precaution, right?"

"Yes, that's right, I do" I replied.

"Uh huh. And did you plug the keys in this morning?"

"Oh" I said sheepishly as I plugged my keyboard into the correct port on the computer. "Heh heh. Now my keys are working."

You know, computer technicians come in handy sometimes.

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Introduction

So, one day, two people met in New York City. Three months after their first
date, they got married. Not being much for city life, they decided to pack up the
cat (and various other essentials) and move to a little town in the middle of
nowhere, otherwise known as the state of Maine. There they bought a lovely
little country store. Several years later, an adorable, lovely baby girl came into
their lives. Lucky them. That adorable, lovely baby girl was of course, me. So
there I was, a lovely little baby girl in a lovely little country store. And that's
where I've been ever since. Some people think it's horrible that at nineteen I'm
still living at home and working at the family business, and others think it's great.
As for myself, I've always found life at the store to be anything but dull. How
could anyone be bored with so many people around and so much going on all at
once? Over the years I've had some interesting experiences. Some were just
plain strange, others, scary. Some were exciting and some were annoying. But all
of the memories that came from being here at the store for nineteen years won't
soon be forgotten. Some are even worth sharing. So here's my attempt at
describing my wonderful experiences at My Little Country Store.

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Christmas Story

Sunny never could understand why Jenny hated Christmas so much. Sunny was always at his highest during this most wonderful time of year.

"Jenny, you're always complaining about Christmas. Why can't you just sit back, relax, and enjoy the season?"

"It's hard to sit back and relax when I've got to worry about all these presents! You just try keeping the kids from getting into them!"

"You worry too much. Why don't you take a moment to look at all of your lovely decorations?"

"Don't even mention the decorations! Have you any idea how hard it is to get everything looking just right? And then careless people and animals come along and have to play with them and mess them all up. Oh why must I bear the burden of decorations?!"

"But everything always looks so beautiful in the end. You know that. You're always admired for the way you display your ornaments. Who else but you could make them look so good?"

"Well, I suppose you have a point. But Christmas is such a stressful time for me! You have no idea what I go through! Dealing with kids and decorations and pets and presents and parties. You don't have to deal with those things. You're above all that. You don't have to do anything but be yourself! It's not fair! You always get to be the star!"

"And you think my job is easy? Sitting up here all day listening to you complain? Ugh! Christmas trees are so selfish!"

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I Lost My Job

Dear Dad,

I'm not quite sure how to say this, but I was fired from work today. I have no excuses. My boss just decided I was being too silly, so my employment was terminated. How was I supposed to know that I was being unprofessional? I know what you're going to say. Yes, this has been happening all too often lately, but I really can't help myself. It's hard not to be silly when I know I'm just going to get fired anyway. I might as well enjoy myself while I can.

Anyway, I was kind of hoping you could have a chat with my boss. If you could just say that I'm a good worker and a reliable person, I’m sure I’d get hired back. You always project an air of wisdom, and I know that she would listen to your advice. I'll try not to be quite so silly next time, I promise. I realize how important it is to have a steady job, especially with school expenses.

Speaking of school expenses, since I am a college student with bills to pay and books to buy, I was wondering if you could lend me some money. At least until Mom decides to hire me back tomorrow.

Love,
Kate

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3 Million Things

I have 3 million things to do today.

"So why aren't you doing them?" you ask.

"Because," I say, "my mind is numb."

I have 3 million things to do today. Where do I begin?

"Why don't you begin at the beginning?" you ask.

"Because," I say, "I must finish the end first."

I have 3 million things to do today. When am I going to have time for fun?

"Why don't you make your tasks fun?" you ask.

"Because," I say, "there's no way these jobs can be fun."

I have 3 million things to do today. Who's going to help me?

"Why do you need someone to help you?" you ask.

"Because," I say, "I can't do all this by myself!"

I have 3 million things to do today. What if I can't do them all?

"Why don't you just try?" you ask.

"Because," I say, "I might fail."

I have 3 million things to do today. How much more will I have to do tomorrow?

"Why don't you take it a little at a time?" you ask.

"Because," I say, "I'll never get anything done that way!"

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