Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Response to a Pyramid Scam

Dear Mr. Spam,

First off, I would like to thank you for the time that you put into personalizing a letter to me, in your profession you undoubtedly send out several hundred emails a day, and can't personalize every one, so thank you for making your email soooo touching and personal.

Next I want to say, that as much as I appreciate the personalization, I don't think that I can accept. You see, I've had a few too many messages from your address popping up in my Inbox lately. Please note that after this message, I will have blocked your address so that you can't send me anything else.

Not that that will do any good. Any intelligent spammer would have several other addresses at his disposal. You do, don't you?

So, aside from the fact that I've had too many emails from you (and not that I don't enjoy receiving email, but I prefer to look at email as an avenue of intelligent conversation,) too many of those emails seemed to be from my bank, even though they came from your address. You don't have to worry about fleecing my bank account, you can rest assured that those messages ended up in my trash can.

Although the messages that you sent to me regarding my bank, ended up in my trash can, I'm worried about all the other people that you sent those messages to. Have you had any extra money get to your bank account lately? I'm guessing that if you have, someone fell for your scam. Shame on you. Do you know what the Bible says about lying?

Now, in regards to your latest message. I already said earlier that I appreciate the time that you took to make the message so nice and personal. That's not something that you tended to do in any of your previous messages. Yet, despite this, I still feel that I have no need to be selling pirated copies of Windows Vista. I happen to be a computer technician with a distaste for Windows Vista, and I don't even generally put it on new computers that I build.

So, if you want your scam to work on me, you'll have to get another address, use a different screen name, and try to sell me Windows XP instead.

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