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Heart's Elements
Posted by Janee, Sep 26, 2007. 132 views. ID = 48
This post was written in 9 minutes.
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cold and dark as moonless night
lost in black confusion;
untamed furor of winter's storm
tossed by winds of thought;
sparked by hidden lava flows
heat of volcanic rage;
but brightened still by starlight's glow -
the distant light of hope.
Copyright 2007 Janee. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
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Comments
Michael K
Sep 27, 2007 | "sparked by hidden lava flows
heat of volcanic rage;"
I was thinking, lava and volcanic are sort of redundant. maybe you'd keep the interest up a bit by changing the word "lava" so the reader doesn't know what kind of flow it is until they get to volcanic.
~Posted by Michael K, Sep 27, 2007 |
Janee
Sep 27, 2007 | hmm...I don't really like that line anyway...maybe I'll rework it.
~Posted by Janee, Sep 27, 2007 |
Michael K
Sep 28, 2007 | I agree...honestly, I think that's the weakest line of the poem.
~Posted by Michael K, Sep 28, 2007 |
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