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A Foolish Choice: A strange take on the rain/onomatopoeia poem writing prompt for this week.
Posted by Emily, Jun 7, 2012. 3492 views. ID = 5703

A Foolish Choice

Posted by Emily, Jun 7, 2012. 3492 views. ID = 5703
This post was written in 14 minutes.
I don't know why, but this prompt had the guillotine and execution in my head, in general. I wanted to keep along the prompt's lines, not dancing away too much, still incorporating the elements without running away from the inspiration the onomatopoeia aspect instilled in me. I know it's gruesome, and possibly a bit bizarre, but it fit to me. >.>" Hopefully I don't disturb or offend anyone with this piece, though, as that's not what's intended.

Critiques are welcome!

EDIT: Stanza 8, Line 3, should read:
"But where the hero once stood strong"
This post has been awarded 37 stars by 10 readers.

Krisch! Slishhh.
Plitss. Slitts.
Slowly falling down.
Vibrant red,
A hateful sheen.
A scene in which to drown.

Splishh. Splashh.
Squilch. Quelch.
Boots slip and slide this night.
A noble cause,
A heroic face --
Gone, the Judicial plight.

Plink. Tink.
Squeak. Creak.
A hidden blade did fall.
A wooden stand,
A steady hand --
A knight in the deadman's stall.


Crish. Crash.
Clank. Shhhhank!
A flash against the dark.
The shine of metal,
The sickening thud --
Friction's deafening spark.

Slosh. Splosh.
Fwish. Fwosh.
No more, the hero stands.
Blood washed away
On a rainy day --
His head is in your hands.

Snicker, Snack;
The blade that chops
And kills the gentle man.
Krooololoool.
Down the drain,
Never to be seen again.

FOOLS!
It yells --
The sky, you see.
For he knows what you've done.
Your crime is written
In history,
Your battle lost, not won.

For rain may wash away your sins,
Hide them in the drain --
But where the hero once did stand,
Is his family, full of pain.

Death will come,
Justice swift --
And carry you away.
You should have left the hero, boy
And lived another day.


Crick. Crack!
The lightning strikes,
Your guilty face to frame.
And come tomorrow's stormy night --
Your blood will run down the drain.

Copyright 2012 Emily. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
 


   
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This post has been awarded 37 stars by 10 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: Onomatopoeia Poem

Comments


alilee
Jun 8, 2012
Amazing poem.Love it!
   ~Posted by alilee, Jun 8, 2012

Douglas
Jun 8, 2012
Wow...very nicely written. I'm still deciding whether I want to add a poem about beheadings to the featured gallery. ;)

Another poet once advised me that when "did" gets added as an unnecessary helping verb, it stands out as a way of forcing the meter (and/or rhyme), and I thought of that piece of advice when I saw this line:

"But where the hero once did stand"

Not that I have a suggestion on how to get rid of the "did"...I just wanted to share what someone else shared with me!
   ~Posted by Douglas, Jun 8, 2012

Jeff Howe
Jul 30, 2012
I'm not a big fan of "did" as a one beat add-on to make a line fit, however, I do know that it was used more frequently in previous centuries.

Even so, this is a fairly graphic and strong piece of writing. Cheers, Jeff
   ~Posted by Jeff Howe, Jul 30, 2012

Trent
Sep 4, 2012
Powerful use of the automatopia.

Almost feels like being there.
   ~Posted by Trent, Sep 4, 2012

vessels
Oct 25, 2012
This is excellent! A good description of a heroes victory even after dying.
   ~Posted by vessels, Oct 25, 2012



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