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She: Experimentation
Posted by Laura, Aug 28, 2010. 1822 views. ID = 3796

She

Posted by Laura, Aug 28, 2010. 1822 views. ID = 3796
This post was written in 1 minutes.
One necessary step to improving in writing any kind of fiction, is to step outside your comfort zone and write from the perspective of someone that definitely isn't "you." I'm trying that again here.
This post has been awarded 17 stars by 4 readers.

Sometimes I remember
that I don't really like what they do to me,
whoever me is, or isn't, or wanted to be,
but didn't, couldn't, lost in the sea
of it all, caught up in fake embraces,
still resurrecting traces of what
I thought I wanted, and perhaps still do,
though I avert my eyes from you,
because I don't believe in it.

Sometimes I remember
a little girl, blonde and curly-haired,
just smiling as she ran, so sweet and unprepared,
tossed into a bitter world to see how she fared,
but I still see her running, hear her calling out,
don't forget me, don't forget me,
with childish intensity, ricocheting about
my mind, I know she'll never let me
lose sight of what I did to her.


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This post has been awarded 17 stars by 4 readers.

Comments


gabemay
Sep 2, 2010
this poem is excellent to only in the syntax and tone that you portray, but it is, at first glance, confusing.
To me, a confusing poem is a great poem, for a confusing poem not only is open to interpetation, but is it makes one go back anc actually study the poem rather than just merley reading it and praising the poet.
To me at least, I found myself having to reread this poem in order to see what it was you were talking about, which is another thing, confusing poems have only one true actual subject and theme that is presented in a "confusing" manner.

In other words, good job
   ~Posted by gabemay, Sep 2, 2010

Laura
Sep 3, 2010
Thanks for the comments gabemay! I really appreciate feedback :-)

I've often struggled with trying to write things that are "confusing" in the sense that they have enough depth to keep the reader intrigued, but not so much so that they lose the reader. This is sometimes very hard to gauge as a writer, because of course it makes a lot more sense to me than to a reader who hasn't experienced my thought process. Overall, I'd say that "confusion" is probably not what I'm going for, but rather depth, layers, multiple meanings. Something that is deep enough to not fully understand at first read, but not so convoluted that it has no heart, or has simply lost touch with the art.
I'm hoping to get better at that, so once again, thanks for your observations :-)
   ~Posted by Laura, Sep 3, 2010



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