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'Twas the night 'fore Thanksgiving...: A redneck Thanksgiving Eve
Posted by Laura, Nov 23, 2009. 2332 views. ID = 2981

'Twas the night 'fore Thanksgiving...

Posted by Laura, Nov 23, 2009. 2332 views. ID = 2981
This post was written in 3 minutes.
This post has been awarded 12 stars by 3 readers.

'Twas the night 'fore Thanksgiving, and all through the house,
not a creature was eating, not even a mouse.
All except for the cats, who protect from such vice, and
Thus had, in the spirit of feasting, just eaten the mice.

But in spite of this carnage, we quietly sat,
Ma, she wore her old jersey and I in my hat,
gittin' ready for football and food the next day,
while the children slept soundly with dreams of tur-kay.

When all of a sudden, there arose such a "thump,"
that I scrambled outside just to see what was up.
And right there lay a package alone and forlorn,
and by one simple note was it solely adorned.

So I brought it inside, plopped it down on the table,
and made out the note just as well as I's able,
and the things that it said, brought a laugh to my heart
so what I can remember of it, I'll im-part:

"To my Dear Mister Jenkins, I know you eat meat,
but I thought I'd just give it a try with this treat,
and I hope you enjoy, though your feelings be murky,
but do try it this once, it's a yummy tofurky!"

It was signed Ms. Valencia, who lived down the street,
and this found me dumbfounded til I got to my seat,
and as soon as I did so, let out a guffaw -
nearly roused the whole house and especially Ma.

She came runnin' on over and laughed just as hard
once she saw the nice note full of thoughtful regard.
And now, we ain't mean-hearted, but I'd shot a bird,
and this fake one was full of stuff I'd never heard of.

I'd much rather have nature than chemical paste,
ain't no better with flavors thrown in, in its place -
it may look like a turkey and smell like one too,
but it's false advertising, I'm tellin' you true.

Though we favor tradition, don't think we like waste,
for we're thankful for all, even chemical paste.
So I thought of the dog, but I do like the guy,
and I wouldn't feed this to annoying house flies.

But it didn't take long 'fore we put it to use,
out in the back yard where we really let loose -
Now we use tofu disks whenever we shoot skeet,
just the practice we need for real turkeys, indeed!

Copyright 2009 Laura. All rights reserved. has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.

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This post has been awarded 12 stars by 3 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: Thanksgiving Poem
This is a revised version of a post. Click here to view the original version


Nov 23, 2009
Haha! I LOVE it! Super cute, and what a great ending!
   ~Posted by 'Chelle, Nov 23, 2009

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