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Alfred Makes Me Laugh: Alfred has lost the keys, and the results could very well be disasterous for everyone.
Posted by Douglas, Jan 6, 2008. 2812 views. ID = 466

Alfred Makes Me Laugh

Posted by Douglas, Jan 6, 2008. 2812 views. ID = 466
This post was written in 21 minutes.
I first wrote this from Alfred's perspective. Then I accidentally closed the window before submitting it. (Duh!) Since the whole point of this is to practice writing, I decided not to do it the same way the second time, but to write it from an entirely different perspective.

And you'll never know what the first attempt was like...
This post has been awarded 23 stars by 5 readers.

Don't get me wrong - I think Alfred is a great guy. I've known him for years, and he's always been a good friend. But in his later years, he's been slowing down a bit. Not just physically (though he walks with a limp and a stoop) but also mentally.

Sometimes he'll look at me for a few seconds with a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look, and I know that he's trying to remember my name. Me, who he's known for so long. Other times he'll wander aimlessly about the house, looking in and under and over and around every piece of furniture in the entire residence. And I know he's lost something again.

This time it was the keys. Not my keys, and not his keys. The boss's keys. Those keys lock and unlock not just every door in the house, but also the office and who knows what else.

Alfred is in a panic. He's been upstairs, downstairs, in the attic, in the basement, in the pantry, the garage...actually, there's only one place I can think of where he hasn't checked.

"Hey Alfred," I said as he wandered by, peering into vases set on mahogany hall tables, "The boss just called. He's on his way home. You know what that means, don't you?"

"Help me look?" he pleaded.

I smiled. Truth is, I love to torment Alfred - just a bit. "Sorry, Alfred, no can do. I'm busy."

"Doing what?" he demanded. Now he was picking through the garbage in the kitchen's trash basket.

"Mostly just looking handsome. That's a full time job, you know."

Alfred muttered something (I don't think I want to know what he said) and wandered off to the spacious dining room. I followed at a careful distance.

"Hey Alfred," I said, "The boss just called again. He said he's only about two minutes away. Someone needs to unlock the gate." I paused for effect. "If you want to give me the keys, I'll put the gate up for you."

Now Alfred's muttering was loud enough - and clear enough - that I could understand him.

I'm not repeating what he said.

Things went from silly to absurd in the next two minutes, as Alfred put a stepladder in the middle of the livingroom, so he could look inside the ceiling light's shade. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing.

Finally, I could hear the sound of the boss's vehicle coming up the road. Time to stop goofing off. "Hey Alfred," I said. He scowled and peered down at me from atop the ladder.

"What?" he said.

"Did you check your pants pocket?"

"Don't be daft, boy," he said. "Of course I checked my pockets!"

I knew he hadn't. But I also knew he wasn't going to admit it, and he wasn't going to check his pockets while I was watching him.

I turned away.

"Eureka!" he exclaimed, and slid down the ladder, holding on with his gnarled old hands. I've never seen the old boy move so fast. Now it was just a race to see if he could get the gate unlocked and up before...


Alfred looked at me helplessly, his hand mere inches from the lock that would raise the gate.

"Holy Insurance Premiums, Alfred!" I exclaimed, "That's the third Batmobile this week!"

Copyright 2008 Douglas. All rights reserved. has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.

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This post has been awarded 23 stars by 5 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: Alfred's Missing Keys
This item has been edited since posting. Click here to view the updated version


Josiah T.
Jan 6, 2008
LOL!! That's great! :-D
   ~Posted by Josiah T., Jan 6, 2008

Jan 6, 2008
I gotta admit, I didn't see that one coming. :-)
   ~Posted by Katie, Jan 6, 2008

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