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The Phone Bill: Part two in the story of my pet rock. I get in an argument with him about my phone bill and my budget
Posted by Douglas, Sep 13, 2007. 1562 views. ID = 7

The Phone Bill

Posted by Douglas, Sep 13, 2007. 1562 views. ID = 7
This post was written in 10 minutes.
When I wrote the first piece about my pet rock, I thought that was going to be the end of it, but now I have a feeling there may be a few more entries about Willis. :)
This post has been awarded 26 stars by 6 readers.
This post is Part 2 of a writing series titled My Pet Rock.

It's been two weeks now since I found out that my rock's name was not Gregory, but Willis. To be honest, I don't think he really looks like a "Willis". In my mind, Willis is a name for someone who could play in a DieHard movie.

And although Willis would certainly induce a great deal of pain if he was hurled suddenly at someone's head, he is neither photogenic nor athletic enough to star in an action-thriller movie.

Ever since I found out his name is really Willis, I've been careful to stop calling him Gregory. The change has been extraordinary. Now my rock is eager to chat - in fact, I would say he's downright talkative.

"Hey Willis, have you got my phone bill?" I asked him yesterday.

After a pause he said, "Hey, what's this phone call to East Timbuctu?"

"Just visiting with my cousin Ethel."

"For forty-five minutes? Do you have any idea how much that phone call cost?" He sounded a bit aggrieved.


"So, I'm also sitting on your 2007 budget figures, and I guarantee we don't have money enough to be throwing around like that."

I glared at him. He seemed impervious to my stare. "We?" I demanded.

He didn't shrug, but I'm sure if rocks had the ability to shrug, he would have. "I live here too, you know," he said.

"I don't see you doing much to increase our net worth," I replied. "You want to start talking about our money, I suggest you get a job."

"I already have a job."

"Really? What are you? A brain surgeon?"

Sarcasm is lost on rocks - even intelligent ones like Willis.

"No, stupid. I'm a paperweight."

I hadn't exactly thought about it like that. I suppose, technically, he was working for me.

"You know the book of Leviticus, in the Bible, says not to withhold your neighbor's wages," he continued piously.

Leave it to Willis to bring in the heavy guns. The book of Leviticus. Considering carefully my options, I realized there was only one solution to my unfortunate dilemma.

I'm going back to calling him Gregory.

Copyright 2007 Douglas. All rights reserved. has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.

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This post has been awarded 26 stars by 6 readers.
This post is Part 2 of a writing series titled My Pet Rock. The next part of this series can be found here: First Name, Middle Name.


Sep 22, 2007

Did you mention that you lived alone?
   ~Posted by Trent, Sep 22, 2007

Sep 22, 2007
not any more! I've got Willis! Err...Gregory!

whatever. ;D
   ~Posted by Douglas, Sep 22, 2007

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