Fifteen Minutes Of Fiction Writing Gallery

Teal: another sappy bit of writing
Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Mar 4, 2008. 1917 views. ID = 751

Teal

Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Mar 4, 2008. 1917 views. ID = 751
This post was written in 1 minutes.
don't laugh.
This post has been awarded 24 stars by 6 readers.

Almost before I can stop and think
You say come on and we’re off again,
On some other adventure;
World-tilting and mind-blowing
You are

And I know it’s not fair
To always want you here where I am,
But I really can’t help it;
Beautiful and esoteric
You are

Already you seem to know
What I want and what I don’t need,
Still just friends;
Disappointment and effervescence
You are


Copyright 2008 Kenzie Fell Down. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
 


   
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This post has been awarded 24 stars by 6 readers.
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Comments


Mathax
Mar 4, 2008
SORRY... I did.
   ~Posted by Mathax, Mar 4, 2008

Josiah T.
Mar 4, 2008
Ok... Can I laugh now? ;-)
   ~Posted by Josiah T., Mar 4, 2008

Douglas
Mar 5, 2008
"don't laugh."

I'm not laughing. I really like this piece. I'm curious about the title, though. Also, I wondered if added punctuation might make it read better. I was thinking maybe a semicolon or a hyphen after each third line?
   ~Posted by Douglas, Mar 5, 2008

Kenzie Fell Down
Mar 7, 2008
Like so?
   ~Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Mar 7, 2008

Hannah
Mar 11, 2008
I didn't laugh. I really liked it! :)
   ~Posted by Hannah, Mar 11, 2008

Kenzie Fell Down
Mar 11, 2008
Thanks.
   ~Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Mar 11, 2008

Kenzie Fell Down
Mar 11, 2008
The title's the colour of a certain person's eyes.
   ~Posted by Kenzie Fell Down, Mar 11, 2008



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