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Long Winter Nap: More griping about snow
Posted by lostcerebellum, Mar 3, 2008. 1817 views. ID = 733

Long Winter Nap

Posted by lostcerebellum, Mar 3, 2008. 1817 views. ID = 733
This post was written in 2 minutes.
This post has been awarded 39 stars by 10 readers.

In the autumn the earth goes to bed for the night,
And she tucks herself in with a blanket of white.
Only this year it’s more like a whole stack of quilts,
Piled so deep I’ve considered investing in stilts!


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Comments


Douglas
Mar 3, 2008
HA! I love it!

I think there's a glitch in your rhythm in the last line, which you can hear if you read it aloud...there are at least a couple ways you could resolve it:

That's piled so deep I'm investing in stilts

So deep I’ve considered investing in stilts
   ~Posted by Douglas, Mar 3, 2008

lostcerebellum
Mar 3, 2008
Can’t see it, really. I’ve checked the meter carefully and
it seems to be an impeccable case of anapestic tetrameter.

   ~Posted by lostcerebellum, Mar 3, 2008

Douglas
Mar 3, 2008
Yep. When you put it that way, I can read it smoothly, and it definitely works.

My problem was that "piled" is a pretty strong word in the context of the poem, so I was reading it as an accented syllable (your other three lines start with connecting words and prepositions, so it was easier for me to read them as unaccented) - which gave me two accents with one unaccented in between, which really felt choppy to me.
   ~Posted by Douglas, Mar 3, 2008

Josiah T.
Mar 10, 2008
LOL!! Sounds like a good plan. :-)
   ~Posted by Josiah T., Mar 10, 2008



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