Christmas Gone Wrong III
Posted by EHaze, Dec 3, 2007. 1869 views. ID = 369
This post was written in 15 minutes.
|I have been thinking about weaving this into the plot that is continuing in my head where Timmy and Ronald begin their adventure in outer space. We'll see where it goes.|
|This post has been awarded 16 stars by 5 readers.|
|This post is Part 3 of a writing series titled Christmas Gone Wrong.|
Goragg's systems came back online. His head pounded as a reserve tank of green fluid began pumping its sickly contents into Goragg's body. The gunshot had punctured his primary tank and brought his controlling computer system crashing down. It took a few moments to boot up.
Recalling his situation, Goragg wasted no time rising and sprinting a short distance to his craft. Jumping in, Goragg had swiped his large metal hand across a control panel, bringing his ship to life before even touching the seat. The bystanders in the area all focussed on the gleaming, metal vessel.
Without hesitation, Timmy began running for the ship and the police in the area withdrew their firearms, taking aim.
"No Timmy! come back!" Timmy's mother screamed, reaching her hand out in a futile attempt to stop her son. Ronald, instantly knowing his friend's intention bolted after him.
"Ronald! Get back here!" John wailed.
Neither boy paid any heed to their parents' calls and leapt into the back of Goragg's ship before the canopy closed and it began rising into the air.
Timmy and Ronald's parents dropped to their knees, afraid of what was happening to their children. The entire time, police let fly an endless stream of ammunition until their supplies were exhausted. One officer managed to tag the side of the ship but the bullet only harmlessly deflected away. Within a minute, the craft was no longer visible.
Timmy and Ronald were hudled in what appeared to be a storage area with large silver spheres (supply containers probably) that steadied themselves against the vibrations of the ship as it left the upper atmosphere.
"Where do you think we're going Tim?" Ronald whispered.
"I don't know but wherever we go, I will make sure these things don't get back to our houses. I grabbed my dad's cell phone before we left!"
"Oh great, yeah you can, make calls from like a billion miles away! Yeah right." Ronald whispered again, sarcasm heavy on his quiet voice.
The ship came to a stop. Or what felt like a stop. The vibration ceased and Timmy heard Goragg speaking in a different language. From the dialog, Timmy understood that Goragg was angry with the situation and the distant end, faintly heard from a speaker was not pleased either.
Venturing out into the main area of a craft no larger then a full-sized van, Timmy peered out of the canopy as best he could. He noticed the moon was in view and on a screen in front of Goragg there was a view of the Earth. It seemed they stopped half way to Goragg's lunar home.
Opening up the cell phone, Timmy switched it on and held it to his head as he crawled back into the storage space with Ronald.
"Mom, I'm on dad's cellphone in this thing's ship! We're almost to the moon!" Timmy exclaimed, trying to be as quiet as he could be.
"Oh Timmy thank God!" His mother said turning to Timmy's father.
"They're ok, they have your phone and they are headed to the moon!"
"I don't know what to do, but I'll make it home mom, don't worry!" Timmy assured, still whispering.
Then, Goragg's conversation stopped and an awkward silence filled the spacious-for-its-size craft. Timmy and Ronald both ducked as far back as they could and Timmy closed the phone. Goragg belted out a vicious roar as he turned around in his triangular seat only to not
see the intruders. After a brief moment of inspection he turned back to his demanding control panels.
Soon the spaceship began vibrating again and upon peeking out, Timmy and Ronald saw that they were again headed to the moon. It was a magnificent site to them both and Timmy knew Ronald was thinking the same thing. How cool it would be if they weren't in danger to be where they were.
Timmy heard some tiny clacking noises but dismissed them as vibration from the ship.
According to Timmy's cell phone, it only took another hour to reach the moon. The craft had flown to the Northernmost pole and from what Timmy could see the ship was entering a giant mouth on the moon. As it opened other craft poured out to the surface. All manner of craft that seemed to be living machines.
Just then, Goragg whipped around to face the boys.
"W e l c o m e T o T h e M o o n!" he said.
Ronald and Timmy sat terrified as Goragg let out a horrible sounding impression of a human laugh. Looking down they saw that their hands and legs had been bound by tiny robots with gleaming orange eyes in the center of their teardrop shaped bodies.
"Great!" Ronald said finally, still oozing with sarcasm.Copyright 2007 EHaze. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
|This post has been awarded 16 stars by 5 readers.|
|This post is Part 3 of a writing series titled Christmas Gone Wrong. The next part of this series can be found here: Christmas Gone Wrong IV.|
|This is a revised version of a post. Click here to view the original version
well written! There was one sentence that really jerked me out of my enjoyment of it - it was this sentence:
"The entire time, police let fly an endless stream of ammunition until their supplies were exhausted"
The reason it grabbed me was that it's a paradox. If it was an "endless stream", it couldn't be exhausted. The contradiction just jumped out at me. I'd change "endless" to a word that didn't imply that it couldn't be exhausted. :)
I've added this piece to the featured gallery. ~Posted by Douglas, Dec 4, 2007
Nice! :-) Much easier to read than the last two. :-) ~Posted by Josiah T., Dec 4, 2007
I had contemplated that sentence as well. It probably could have been worded better, but the idea I was going for was that the police were firing so fast that their bullets (although technically invisible in real life) flew like a stream versus individual shots. "Endless," I guess should be replaced by something like "rapid," or "continuous." ~Posted by EHaze, Dec 5, 2007
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