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Paradise Lost: Thankful for Paradise lost, and an agony suffered - but not by me.
Posted by Mercy, Nov 18, 2007. 4071 views. ID = 327

Paradise Lost

Posted by Mercy, Nov 18, 2007. 4071 views. ID = 327
This post was written in 14 minutes.
I hope this makes sense to everyone!
This post has been awarded 40 stars by 10 readers.

Paradise lost (not by me,
but by one whose feet had never trod
thorn strewn paths of this bitter world)
for me.

Agony suffered (not by me,
But by one whose heart had never known
the inward cruelty which is its own reward)
for me.

Hands pierced (not mine,
but ones never lifted in greed or selfish rage,
only raised to give life and healing and peace)
by me.

Hope gained (not earned,
but given by one who surrendered all
to defy the cold, cruel sting of death)
for me.


Copyright 2007 Mercy. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
 


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This post has been awarded 40 stars by 10 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: Thankful Free Verse
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Comments


Janee
Nov 18, 2007
Thanks for the comment, Mercy. This one is really nice too. I like how it goes "for me", "for me", and then switches to "by me" - kind of gives me the chills! And yes, it's very clear what you're talking about.
   ~Posted by Janee, Nov 18, 2007

Douglas
Nov 19, 2007
I really like this poem. If I was going to change anything about it, it would be to expand the final verse to talk about resurrection. That would - I think - really fill out the entire sequence. But it's still really nice as it is. :)
   ~Posted by Douglas, Nov 19, 2007

Mercy
Nov 19, 2007
Thanks for the suggestion. :)

I also changed the punctuation. The parenthesis make it more obvious how the poem is structured.

Paradise lost ... for me.

Agony suffered ... for me.

Hands pierced ... by me.

Hope gained ... for me.

   ~Posted by Mercy, Nov 19, 2007

Katie
Nov 19, 2007
Wow! Powerful.
Nice job!
   ~Posted by Katie, Nov 19, 2007

Mathax
Nov 19, 2007
Nice...

   ~Posted by Mathax, Nov 19, 2007

Josiah T.
Nov 20, 2007
Wow. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

When we were deep in our sin, Christ suffered for us so that we wouldn't have to suffer it instead.
   ~Posted by Josiah T., Nov 20, 2007

Hannah
Feb 27, 2008
Wow, I love the format. It's awesome! I had to read it over again to understand it, but that was probably because I was listening to music. :) Anyways, I loved it.
   ~Posted by Hannah, Feb 27, 2008



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