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A Castle Made of Sand: A sand castle and the struggles of its creator.
Posted by Malikane, Apr 21, 2009. 1387 views. ID = 2547

A Castle Made of Sand

Posted by Malikane, Apr 21, 2009. 1387 views. ID = 2547
This post was written in 24 minutes.
This is my first poem submitted on this site, so feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading!
This post has been awarded 12 stars by 3 readers.

Whipping wind blew 'cross the wild flag
As down the waves crashed 'round the empty moat;
The coastal birds did caw their great delight,
Struggling hard to watch a brutal war;
The crunch of sand, the blast of heat, the boy
Now cried his heart's lament. But lo! Behold!
A father's voice resounds--"Fear not, my son!
It matters not the loss! We'll build again,
Reclaim the land, and flag, and castle, too.
Come punk, come wave, come wind! We shall prevail
Through thick and thin, the times both hard and long.
As long as you would see the castle stand,
I'll be here to give you all my might.
My son, my boy, so is this sand to you,
So you, my son, my boy, are in my heart."

Copyright 2009 Malikane. All rights reserved. FifteenMinutesOfFiction.com has been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work. For permission to reprint this item, please contact the author.
 


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This post has been awarded 12 stars by 3 readers.
This post is part of a writing prompt: Blank Verse
This is a revised version of a post. Click here to view the original version

Comments


Douglas
Apr 22, 2009
Nicely done, and welcome to the site! :)

As far as suggestions...on this line:

As long you want to see the castle stand,

I'm assuming you wanted to say "as long as you want..." but left out the second "as" because it conflicted with the rhythm. If that's the case you could get around it this way:

As long as you would see the castle stand

Again, welcome to the site! :)
   ~Posted by Douglas, Apr 22, 2009

Malikane
Apr 22, 2009
Thanks for the suggestion! That sounds much better.
   ~Posted by Malikane, Apr 22, 2009



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