ADVICE: Evan

Discussion related to the topic ADVICE: Evan

Forum : 2007 - 2008 Anthology : ADVICE: Evan

Hannah
Posted at: Mar 10, 2008 at 9:13 AM 

Douglas
Posted at: Mar 10, 2008 at 1:25 PM 
I'm not a big fan of most love poems, but I remember thinking at the time I read this one that it was one of the better ones I'd seen on the site. However, like another piece someone posted an advice request for (maybe it was you?), with its incredibly short lines it would leave a lot of dead space on multiple pages, so this is probably not going to make the cut in the anthology.

You commented that you initially didn't write it as a poem, but as prose, and maybe you need to try posting it in that format for us to look at. I can't promise you that it would make it in, but its chances would certainly increase.

Hannah
Posted at: Mar 11, 2008 at 8:55 AM 
Evan How's that?

Douglas
Posted at: Mar 11, 2008 at 9:18 AM 
Good. You have two semicolons in the first paragraph which should both be commas. Also, the second sentence is a sentence fragment, which you can fix by making it part of the first sentence (change that first period to a comma)

I'm pretty sure the semicolon in the second paragraph should be something different, but I'm not sure what.

Douglas
Posted at: Mar 11, 2008 at 9:19 AM 
I'm his best friend [comma] he says.

Hannah
Posted at: Mar 11, 2008 at 9:41 AM 
Evan Thank you! Okay, anthing else? :)

Douglas
Posted at: Mar 11, 2008 at 1:22 PM 
You have a couple sentence fragments in the second paragraph (they are sentences without a verb). Normally that's a big no-no, but in the context I think it works fine.

I didn't see anything else.
Forum : 2007 - 2008 Anthology : ADVICE: Evan

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