ADVICE: Peepul axe me if i liek skool

Discussion related to the topic ADVICE: Peepul axe me if i liek skool

Forum : 2007 - 2008 Anthology : ADVICE: Peepul axe me if i liek skool

Rabbit Stu
Posted at: Mar 10, 2008 at 6:25 AM 
Peepul Axe Me If I Liek Skool

I know part of the charm of this is that it's so awful. But there are a couple things I'm having trouble with. First, though I have an alternating line rhyme scheme going on, in the first stanza the rhymes are close enough that it seems like they're all SUPPOSED to rhyme. So I'm trying to fix that (I thought about switching it to "fur troo and shur and then rewriting the last line somehow). Plus I don't like the rhythm of that last line in the first verse.

And, there's also a rhythm problem in the last two lines that I can't figure out how to resolve.

Any suggestions??

Peepul axe me if i liek skool
And I sai I do, fur shur and troo.
But I must sai that as a genral rool,
Skool dizlieks me throo and throo.

I cant ad oar multipli to sav my scin
I tri my best but I alwais fayl
And wen I tri to spel, too my shagrin,
My teechers weap and tern kwite pail

Histry, muzic, langwage arts
They maik me tierd and hert my hed
But stil i luv my skool with al my hart;
Withowt it I'd be boared at hoam insted

Rabbit Stu
Posted at: Mar 10, 2008 at 6:27 AM 
Idea:

Peepul axe me if i liek skool
And I sai I do, withowt a dowt.
But I confes that as a genral rool,
All my teechers long to thro me owt.
~Edited by Rabbit Stu, Mar 10, 2008 at 6:27 AM

Rabbit Stu
Posted at: Mar 12, 2008 at 11:49 AM 
Any thoughts on my revision: Peepul Axe Me If I Liek Skool?
Forum : 2007 - 2008 Anthology : ADVICE: Peepul axe me if i liek skool

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