ADVICE: You were there

Discussion related to the topic ADVICE: You were there

Forum : 2007 - 2008 Anthology : ADVICE: You were there

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 2, 2008 at 8:23 AM 

Douglas
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 1:49 PM 
FYI - If you're hoping this will be included in the anthology, it's too late for this year's edition. However, since I haven't provided a better place to post these threads...carry on. :)

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 3:25 PM 
I posted this here because you said that I should find someone who had time to help me with it. I appears that nobody has time.

Douglas
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 3:37 PM 
I know. I said this was a fine place to put it. Don't be impatient...lots of people are busy, and not everyone visits the site every day!

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 4:21 PM 
*Grins* or several times a day. ;D

WOW
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 4:35 PM 
Be patient. I'm working on it. (But I have to go watch Jeopardy.) I'm working to fix up the verb tenses, but I don't think I understand what you are getting at in the last verse. I think you want to talk about future events, but I'm not sure. Help me out!

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 4:37 PM 
Yeah that is the future, the end of the world.

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 4:40 PM 
Mom says that she does not know how to punctuate poetry.

WOW
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 5:35 PM 
I'm not going to try to deal with punctuation this round, just verb tenses.

V. 1 line 3 "The sun had not been created yet." This keeps it the same tense as the rest of the verse. ( past perfect, I think)

V. 2 Everything seems to be in past tense.

V. 3 line 1 change to "You were there (no punctuation)

V. 4 looks good to me.

V. 5 line 3 change "are" to "were", because the rest of the verse is still in past tense.

V. 6. I'm not sure what you are saying here, but I think you may mean to change to the present tense and say that He is here now. If so, I think something like this would work.
You are going to be here
Until the end of time.
You are here.

V. 7 (The future) How about:
The stars will hang low in the sky,
The moon will have set an age ago,
And the sun will turn red.
You will be there.


Douglas
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 6:01 PM 
You know, there's another way you could handle the verb tenses...not that I'm saying you should do this, but this is an interesting possibility.

Bearing in mind one of the names of God "I am", and Jesus played around with verb tenses when he said, "Before Abraham was, I am", there is one way in which it would be legitimate to have contrary verb tenses...

Every stanza could end with "You are there", regardless of the tense of the other lines of the stanza.

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 3, 2008 at 6:14 PM 
I'll deal with it tomorrow. :)

Douglas
Posted at: Apr 4, 2008 at 4:17 AM 
Quote
Mom says that she does not know how to punctuate poetry.

Punctuating poetry is the most miserable part of our job as editors. Next year, when it comes time to select writing for the anthology, we're not even going to look at poetry that the authors haven't done the punctuation work themselves.
~Edited by Douglas, Apr 4, 2008 at 4:18 AM

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 4, 2008 at 5:50 AM 
I just edited. Mom says she is sick so she is not thinking very well.

King Arthur
Posted at: Apr 16, 2008 at 1:54 PM 
"On the cross of the Romans." I think it would sound smooth if it was "On the Roman cross" or "On the cross of Rome".

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 16, 2008 at 4:01 PM 
Ok.

Mathax
Posted at: Apr 23, 2008 at 4:52 PM 
Thanks for your help on this would anyone call this poetry? I have not been able to write any good poetry. It just doesn't rhyme. when it does it is WAY out of line.

Douglas
Posted at: Apr 23, 2008 at 6:10 PM 
There are all kinds of poems, and not all of them rhyme. Some are more about structure, or word selection. Some focus on repeated sounds in places other than the end of words (rhyming).

For example, this one: Snowflakes focuses on starting sounds (alliteration) rather than either line structure or rhyme.

Blank verse focuses entirely on meter (commonly iambic pentameter), and has no rhymes at all.

If you are looking for a verse that's blank,
The lines I've written here will do the job.

Douglas
Posted at: Apr 23, 2008 at 6:19 PM 
There are also slant rhymes, which are rhymes that aren't exactly rhymes - they focus on closing consonants, but have differing vowel sounds:

I looked upon her wondrous visage fair
And watched a clump of wax drip out her ear


And, there are also eye rhymes which look like rhymes, but aren't:

By this I knew my love for her was dross:
I looked at her and said, "My love, you're gross!"
~Edited by Douglas, Apr 24, 2008 at 5:55 AM
Forum : 2007 - 2008 Anthology : ADVICE: You were there

News!    Writing Prompt    My Assignment    FAQ    Contact    Privacy Policy    Search     Terms of Use     Login